Joined: Aug 2004 Gender: Female Posts: 529 Location: Behind the curtain
What a love commitment is « Thread Started on Aug 8, 2005, 12:19pm »
Hello,
It is too Monday for this, we know! But Eric and I .. mmm …. Honestly?.... I was bothering Eric with my "thoughts" about a movie I watched .... Here is part of the talk (the normal parts ....typos in it)
Hope you enjoy it and let us know your thoughts!
Love virginia ************************
Virginia:
…..The point is that we want love last in a marriage, so we marriage because we think we are committed to keep love up (what all that it means! hahahaha). We don’t ask “after the passion what?” or ... “after that illusion what”... We never ask the right question, to what I am committed? ... do we really commit to someone else? or to our illusions of love? We may look at marriage as love contract or institution contract. Where is the difference? Are there less love in the last one? or less passion and more "clean" view? ...
Marriage should be like a friendship, where sex and passion are displayed, but the bottom line should be can we share ourselves? … Of course there isn’t guaranties, but perhaps a cleaner commitment …
Eric:
Hmmmm....I think your "rambling" contains many profound questions. And not just about marriage....but the very fabric of what we consider "love" to be.
In a world of flux....a world of layers that constantly emerge and submerge....you're right. Who or what are we committing to....and who's really doing the committing?
Virginia
See, in a friendship we are willing to work out the friendship, if something is not well ... we tend to be more objective and look for the very "essence" of .... In passional love, after the passion in gone (what i call the infuctation period) we say "it is over" ... because we did not committed ourselves to the work of love .... Love is work, but we want it do everything for us ...
Eric
Hmmmm...no.
Not wrong at all.
Anthony Demello spoke of this often.
Hahahaha...he often called it the conditions we place on unconditional love!
"I will love you forever....or untill I love someone else or you stop loving me!"
Virginia
we want "love" play the magic we don't know how to play ... even worse ... we even don't know there is a magic in working love! ... So there is ... "utill something happens, i'll love you" ...
what if we commit to make love-work? ... not passion ... not "those perfect moments under the moon ...."
Joined: Aug 2004 Gender: Male Posts: 744 Location: Columbia, Md.
Re: What a love commitment is « Reply #1 on Aug 8, 2005, 1:42pm »
No bother at all Virginia...you were getting the wheels turning! It reminds me of the "Neti, Neti" meditation...."not this, not this". Except we peel the layers away of conceptual love....and what's left from this?
Joined: Aug 2004 Gender: Male Posts: 744 Location: Columbia, Md.
Re: What a love commitment is « Reply #5 on Aug 8, 2005, 6:45pm »
Every day Virginia.
And perhaps that's our lesson on love? There's something deeper that connects...yes....we are friends, we like each other. And yet don't we see past certain layers? There was a time when every few Sundays we could meet for coffee, laugh and share thoughts, ideas and time together. Now physicaly you are more distant...yet we laugh ( the coffee's still there...only we can't see it!), share and perhaps spend even greater time in "inter-space" together. The friends that I have hear are as much my family, are as connected to me, and share as much time as any family possibly could.
Are we unconditional? As conditions change, as we enter, leave and perhaps come once more...past it all...there is something constant.
Joined: Aug 2004 Gender: Female Posts: 529 Location: Behind the curtain
Re: What a love commitment is « Reply #6 on Aug 8, 2005, 7:04pm »
there is not need of missing each another .. any day ... Perhaps we are beyond "unconditional" ... we just are what we are at every moment ... if unconditional is share whatever the day brings, we are .... I know you are!
and I love you too Virginia (see! we got romantic again!)
Joined: Aug 2004 Posts: 535 Location: mecca of multiculturalism
Re: What a love commitment is « Reply #8 on Aug 9, 2005, 9:24am »
"What a love commitment is"...
I believe,
"love" just is...no other description needs to accompany it. It stands on its own, not committed, bonded, vowed, held, praised, missed, given or taken.....love is love, all on its own.
Joined: Aug 2004 Gender: Female Posts: 529 Location: Behind the curtain
Re: What a love commitment is « Reply #9 on Aug 9, 2005, 5:42pm »
Sylvie, my heart with yours too! .. perhaps that is our tiny work of love!
Angel, that, what you call the no-concept of love is the core of our talk (Eric, I am talking for you again! ... )
We know that love is .... IS ... we can't define love but there are so many problems to stay in love .... It is like from the concept to the practice something is lost or .. we lose something in between.
We are ... yeah! we are .... but we have problems to define what we are ... not to say to do what we are ... not to say to explain what we are .... It is the same with love .... we feel love as magic (it is.... to me!) But the magic is lost somewhere or we replace it for a new magic shape ... that we lost somewhere again (well ... generally speaking) .. It is like we don't learn ... we move from one passion to another ....
Joined: Aug 2004 Gender: Male Posts: 744 Location: Columbia, Md.
Re: What a love commitment is « Reply #10 on Aug 9, 2005, 6:42pm »
Perhaps magic waits to be rediscovered beyond the field of our conceptions? Does a touch stop with flesh meeting flesh? No, yet where does it end...or begin? There is a reason that God is The Ineffable. Perhaps when we let go of love... There is only Love.
Re: What a love commitment is « Reply #12 on Dec 6, 2008, 3:36am »
I hope you all forgive me for resurrecting this post from years gone by, I have enjoyed reading all your comments, and even though they are from years past now, the concepts and ideas are never old... Love is never old.
I have watched myself just the past few days... Moving in and out of pain, looking at "needs" or maybe I should say "unmet needs". And as I have seen and noticed the need of my other .... significant, I notice it pulls me out of my own needs. It pulls me into compassion. What is interesting to me is how my emotions will change seemingly so suddenly and unexpectedly lately. Lately it is as if I am watching it all with interest. It was my husband whimpering in his sleep that pulled me into compassion. There was something about witnessing that very subconscious pain that touched me in a very deep place and way
I have thought recently about the vows I made at marriage ... the vows that most make at marriage. To love in health and sickness, rich or poor, for better or for worse, basically unconditional love, but when the rubber meets the road it is often a very different story, we start talking about needs and looking at things from our perspective, are my needs being met, rather than are my partners needs being met?
I am often at a loss of where the changes within myself even come from -- I do know that searching for greater love, awareness and understanding make a difference. So the seeking goes on and so does my family.... and when I start feeling rather hopeless a miracle happens like it did today. I got home from a very long day and my children ... unasked and as a surprise for me had cleaned and organized our house in a pretty incredible way. Today I am feeling like I have the best children in the world. It is those kinds of things we do for each other that show love. Love as we have all heard is an action word. We show our love by our actions, and often it's the smallest things that can make the biggest difference, a smile given to a stranger, a small but significant act of kindness, and acknowledgment.
And now I have digressed from marriage ... was that even the main topic? I wish I could look at all the messages as I type. Anyway ... all that sprouted forth from my reading of the posts and my own recent thoughts, and experiences.
Re: What a love commitment is « Reply #14 on Dec 9, 2008, 3:32am »
Thanks Sylvie,
I've been reading Anthony de Mello. "Awareness" and "The Way to Love". It has challenged some of my beliefs, at least made me stop and really think about what love really is... what my motivations are. I'm finding that I'm having a similar experience to reading these books as when I first read Debbie Ford and her book "The Dark Side of the Light Chasers." I actually listened to her book, more than once, I would listen and cry at the awareness and the pain of some of the things I was seeing in myself. Some questions are hard to ask. I sure do value this safe place where such questions can be asked and looked at in an open and honest way.
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